At a young 65 years old, Dr. Bob Kelso has seen more than most. He fought in Vietnam, composed blues and country songs while attending Stanford, and has served the community at Sacred Heart Hospital for over three decades. He has magnificent calves, an irrational love of muffins and Southeast-Asian women, and a Cadillac named Bessie. Although many people at the hospital will refer to Dr. Kelso as the Devil, it's his job to be a little heartless.
While he may seem mildly soulless, Kelso isn't completely without compassion. On several occasions he's allowed doctors to bend the rules for a patient as long as the hospital isn't compromised. Whether it's firing a cafeteria worker, deciding which patient to treat, or whether or not to untie his wife Enid, Dr. Kelso faces some very difficult decisions - often requiring a major sacrifice. When it comes down to it, he has to decide what's best for the hospital. Generally, if he seems to not give a crap about someone, it's probably true. His concern is the hospital.
Kelsonian Legend:
Was an all-star shortstop for a baseball team in Altoona
Hates bicycles
Decorated Vietnam Veteran
Can leap 8 feet
Scored 40,000,000 on Ms. Pac Man
Fathered love child Trong Tri Kelso with a Vietnamese woman
Can devour a dozen muffins in under five minutes; three minutes if frosting is involved
Has had more Asian women than the Internet
Quotes:
"Listen up, bozos. That gentleman over there is basically a cash piρata waiting to be whacked open. So how about someone diagnoses him so I can get my candy?"
"It's not my job to care, Perry."
"What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso."
