Proud father of Lloyd the Ambulance Driver, Colonel Doctor has a rare condition known as Hypertrichosis, which caused him to sprout his beard at the ripe age of nine. In fact, the Colonel has been at Sacred Heart as long as Dr. Kelso, and his appearance has never changed in the slightest. Colonel Doctor's treatment can only be described as delicious and crispy. He seems to always recommend a large helping of mashed potatoes for a variety of ailments... shockingly, it has proven to work on many occasions.  

Trivia:   The first sporks date back to 1874